If you have a cat that gets skittish or lashes out when you try to pick them up, you’re not alone. Many cat owners struggle with getting their feline friends to tolerate being held.
If you’re short on time, here’s a quick answer to your question: Cats often don’t like being picked up because it makes them feel vulnerable and insecure. Building trust through positive reinforcement training and letting them come to you on their own terms can help.
Understanding Why Cats Don’t Like Being Picked Up
Instinct to Feel in Control
Cats are predators by nature and like having control over their environment. When we pick cats up, we take away their ability to flee or react, which can make them feel anxious and vulnerable. This instinct kicks in even for domestic cats who have never had to hunt for survival.
Being held against their will goes against a cat’s strong desire for autonomy.
Additionally, cats feel most relaxed when they can securely place all four paws on a stable surface. By lifting them up, we remove their stability and ability to balance themselves. This loss of control when their paws leave the ground can result in anything from squirming to panic.
Vulnerability When Off the Ground
When picked up, cats are suddenly elevated off the ground without warning. This contrasts their natural cautious process of slowly descending from high places. Their survival instincts tell them being up high is dangerous, since falling from heights could lead to injury.
Cats also rely on their speed, agility and ability to flee when threatened. When held, they lose their main defenses. Without having all four paws on the ground, cats feel extremely vulnerable to attack from predators.
Their instincts tell them being unable to escape is risky, triggering fear and anxiety.
Individual Personality & Past Experiences
Every cat has a unique personality – some are cuddlier, while others are more aloof. Kittens that are frequently handled, petted and picked up by their human companions from a young age often become more tolerant of it as adults.
However, cats that have had negative experiences may associate being held as scary or dangerous.
For example, cats adopted from shelters sometimes arrive frightened due to a lack of socialization and bad past encounters. Abused cats may have been inappropriately handled or dropped. These cats understandably become distrustful, swatting or scratching to get down.
Respect their boundaries and don’t force interaction.
Additionally, physical factors may influence an individual cat’s dislike. Very large or overweight cats may find being held physically uncomfortable. Elderly cats with arthritis and other conditions may experience pain when unsupported. In these cases, the cat squirms to indicate, “Put me down!”
Tips for Getting Your Cat Used to Being Held
Start Slow With Positive Reinforcement
When you first bring home a new cat, it’s important not to overwhelm them by immediately trying to pick them up. Allow your new feline friend to adjust to their environment first. After a few days, you can attempt brief handling sessions of just a few seconds, providing treats and praise as positive reinforcement.
As your cat becomes more comfortable, gradually extend the duration of handling time. The key is to associate being held with positive experiences.
Pay Attention to Body Language Signals
Cats rely heavily on body language to communicate their comfort levels. Pay close attention to your cat’s body language signals to understand when they are receptive to handling or when they need more space.
Relaxed eyes, upright ears, and a gently waving tail generally signal a cat is in an approachable mood. Agitated eyes, flattened ears, a puffed up tail or tensed body typically mean a cat is feeling overwhelmed and should be left alone.
Support Your Cat Properly When Holding
When picking up your cat, always support their full body weight to make them feel secure. Place one hand under your cat’s chest behind their front legs, and your other hand under their hindquarters. Lift gently while cradling them close to your body.
Avoid restraining cats too firmly or dangling them uncomfortably by one limb. This will make them feel unstable and resistant to being held again in the future.
Incorporate Playtime Interactions
Regular play sessions are a great way to strengthen the human-cat bond. Simple games like chasing toys or gentle belly rubs during quiet one-on-one time helps cats see their owners in a positive, rewarding light.
According to the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA), when cats have regular positive interactions, they often become more affectionate, trusting and receptive to handling over time.
When to Avoid Picking Up Your Cat
There are certain situations when it’s best not to pick up your feline friend. Knowing when to give them space can help avoid stress, discomfort, or even injury for both you and your cat.
When Your Cat is Anxious or Stressed
Cats often convey anxiety through body language – ears back, eyes dilated, etc. If your cat looks distressed, it’s wise not to pick them up. Doing so could overwhelm them further or even prompt aggressive behavior like biting or scratching.
Instead, give them space to calm down before attempting contact.
When Your Cat is Sleeping
Cats spend over 50% of their day napping and require lots of sleep. If you notice your cat snoozing, it’s best not to disturb them by picking them up. Let sleeping cats lie for optimal rest.
When You Detect Signs Your Cat is in Pain
Sometimes cats mask injuries quite well. But if you notice signs like limping, crying out, lack of grooming, or changes in litter box habits, leave your cat alone. Picking up an injured cat could really distress them. Instead, gently restrict activity and contact your vet.
If Your Cat Tenses Up, Growls, or Squirms to Get Down
Forcing unwanted contact is never wise. If your cat resists being held, release them right away. Picking up a reluctant cat risks provoking defensive aggression. It also erodes the mutual trust critical to positive human-feline relationships.
Understanding feline body language helps discern when it’s OK to pick up your cat – and when it’s better to let them be. Tuning into your cat’s signals prevents upsetting them and makes sharing space more harmonious.
While cats can be aloof at times, respecting their autonomy deepens the unique bond you share.
What If My Cat Never Likes Being Picked Up?
Some cats are just not fans of being picked up and held, no matter how much their owners try to get them used to it. If your feline friend continues to struggle or act distressed when you attempt to pick her up, even after trying various techniques to help her get comfortable with it, it may be best to simply accept that this is something she does not enjoy.
Here are some tips for living with a cat that does not like being picked up:
Respect her boundaries
Cats are independent creatures and have their own preferences when it comes to handling and interaction. If your cat clearly dislikes being picked up, continuing to force her into that situation will likely just make her more upset and damage the bond of trust between you.
It’s better to respect her dislike and find other ways to interact positively.
Focus on ground-level playtime
While you can’t pick your cat up for cuddles, you can still have plenty of fun and fulfilling playtime with toys that get her running, pouncing and excited from the ground level. Try toys like balls, feather wands, treat puzzle toys, laser pointers, and more.
This allows for bonding while respecting her space.
Give her a safe space
Since being picked up is stressful for her, make sure your cat has access to plenty of hiding spots and high perches around your home where she can retreat when needed. Places like cardboard boxes, cat towers, and cozy cat beds can help her feel secure.
Pet her on her level
While you can’t pick your kitty up, you can still show her affection! Sitting or crouching down to pet her while she’s on the floor or furniture is a great way to bond. Let her rub against you for attention, and offer gentle pets and scratches on her head and chin when she seems receptive.
Consider carrier training
If your cat will need to be transported at times, such as for vet visits, it’s wise to train her to accept being inside a cat carrier. Use treats and praise to reward her for calmly spending time inside with the door open, then work up to very short trips around the home before trying real outings.
Talk to your vet
If your cat is healthy but extremely averse to being picked up, your vet may have additional tips to help minimize stress. In some cases, anxiety medication prior to transport may be recommended. Or your vet can demonstrate scruffing techniques that may help restraint for exams.
While it can be disappointing when a cat doesn’t enjoy cuddling in your lap or being carried around, it’s not a reflection on your bond. Focus on the positive interactions she does enjoy, and show your kitty love on her own terms!
Conclusion
While some cats never learn to enjoy being picked up, taking the time to build trust and association positive experiences with handling can go a long way. Getting down to your cat’s level, letting them initiate affection at their own pace, and supporting them properly when you do try to lift them up are all key things you can do improve your chances of success.
But at the end of the day, respect their boundaries and don’t force interactions they don’t feel secure with.
